Ramana Maharshi Devotee H.W.L.Poonja Shares His Experiences

(Published in The Mountain Path, July 1965)

I have been a visionary from childhood. When I was only five years old I already had visions of Sri Krishna. At first I thought every one could see them. I once said to my mother: “Look! He's standing there!” but she explained to me that only I saw him.

When I grew up I joined the army. However my desire for God-experience grew so strong that after some years I resigned and decided to devote my life to sadhana. I wanted to become a sannyasin but could not because I had a wife and children to look after.

One day my wife was just serving my midday meal when a sadhu came and stood in the doorway. I invited him in and told her to serve him food too and then asked him
whether he could direct me to a Swami who could show me God. He told me that I could find what I was looking for from Ramana Maharshi of Tiruvannamalai.

The next day I saw an advertisement in the paper for an ex-army man to run a canteen in Madras. I applied and was at once given the post and my fare paid.

When I got to Madras I said that I must first pay a visit to Tiruvannamalai before taking up my duties.

As soon as I had an opportunity to see Bhagavan alone I asked him my usual question. I added: “It's a bargain. I am willing to pay any price, even my life,but your part of the bargain is to enable me to see God.”

Then he said: “I can enable you rather to be God than to see God.”

A few days later I went for a walk in the rough country at the foot of the north slope of Arunachala and fell into a state of ecstasy during which I again had a vision of Sri Krishna. When I got back I told Bhagavan. He asked me: “can you see Krishna now?” I said, “No; only when I have a vision.”

So he said: “What is the use of a God who comes and goes? If he is a real God he should be with you always.”

That shocked me. Again I almost lost faith in him, but some of the devotees explained to me. Before I left for Madras I asked Bhagavan for a mantra but he did not give me one. I asked him for permission to take sannyas, but he refused.

I lost interest in all the ritual and incantations and breathing exercises that I had been doing up to then. For instance, I used to get up at three o'clock in the
morning to attend to my statue of Sri Krishna. All such things ceased to interest me. I was very worried about this. I thought it meant I had become an atheist.

At the first opportunity I went to Tiruvannamalai. I told Bhagavan about the change that had come over me and how I had lost interest in all the ritual that I had
been practising regularly for so many years past.

Bhagavan looked steadily at me for some time and then said something to me in Tamil which I was told, on enquiry, meant “You, that is me, that is Bhagavan.”

These words sank into my heart and I experienced the most wonderful feeling of bliss I had ever known.

It was from this time that I began to understand Bhagavan and his teaching.

Source: http://www.sriramanamaharshi.org/pdf/Saranagathi_eNewsletter_June_2010.pdf